Cancer Sucks

I have been silent on the blogging front for the past couple of weeks for a very sad reason. I wrote in June about my beloved dad being diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer. Subsequent tests showed that he had primary lung cancer, and as well as secondaries in his liver, there was also extensive secondary bone cancer just for good measure. Last week, only 2 months after his diagnosis, he passed away peacefully at home with all of our family at his bedside.

Words can not describe my loss, and my world right now seems slightly surreal. I am here, but not really. It is like being in a dream, where I am a robot going through the motions but my head has been stuffed with cotton wool. My emotions are all over the place but most of the time I feel numb. I hope I wake up soon but that does not mean that I ever want to forget how this feels.

I can hear his voice, see his face and smile, exactly as he was in better health not so long ago. Then the image gets replaced with a sick, dying man, almost unrecognisable, fighting to live and struggling against the inevitable, right to the end. His last few days were so precious but so filled with suffering, although thankfully the final hours were more peaceful. I keep trying to replay the last few days of his life, remembering our last words, the last squeeze he gave my hand, not knowing then that his condition would deteriorate so soon. But it is all a blur.

I am thankful for the time we got to spend together this summer, and that dad is now at peace and no longer suffering. I like to think he will still be around, watching out for me. For everyone who has lost love ones, whether through cancer or otherwise, my heart goes out to you. God bless.

No related posts.